Hi, I’m 14 and I write articles, specifically short stories for our school. Can you please tell me what’s the loose things in this short story of mine.
I put the story under the “Read More” so I could have my response up here. I don’t usually do these things outside of email, but I think that this could be beneficial to a lot of people.
What you did well: You have a good story line and a good moral message. It is clear, and while the details could be worked on a little more, it is easy to understand.
Now, this is going to look like a lot of criticism, but I don’t want this to discourage you.
What you can improve on:
Writing in one tense. You tend to switch between present and past tense a lot. A lot of people do this, as it’s sometimes not easy to keep it in perspective. Here’s what we have on writing tenses.
While your story line is good, your details lack. You seem to jump from one thing to the next, and not a lot of explanation is given for things. My personal questions while I was reading it: Why was she so unsocial? WHY was her and her parents’ relationship destroyed? HOW did joining the social media site help her out? WHAT did she discover about herself? WHY do they live in the country while everything is in the city? DO NOT be afraid to have a long short story; a short story can range anywhere from 1k-words to 30-k words. It’s okay to have backstory. It’s okay to have extensive detail. Let us get to know your character a little more.
Word choice. Some of your wording is a little bit awkward. I don’t know if you sent us a first draft, but look over it and see what can be changed. If she was unplugging the TV socket, don’t say she “plugged out” the TV socket. Sometimes you use the word “in” instead of “on”. It’s just a lot of little things that if you changed would make your short story overall easier to read.
Dialogue. You have very little dialogue and that’s okay. But when you do have dialogue it’s rushed and formatted together so you cannot tell who is talking. Here is what we have on writing dialogue.
I hope this helped some and didn’t scare you away! You’re doing great! Just practice and edit and have others look over your work as well and you’ll be golden!
1. wear more black 2. be meaner to boys 3. do homework maybe
I know no one cares but I’m literally not mean to boys, I just treat them how their maturity permits so if they laugh at a drawing of a penis on the wall or the reaction of a girl theyre harassing I just talk to them like theyre three and magically the game steps up